Scratch
by AnAndrozaniWhiner
Summary: Don't blink, don't breathe, don't move, don't think, what's next?


Doctor Who – Scratch

Of all the tastes in the universe, it's a peculiar fact that the tastes of Indian Curry are only found on Earth. Sadly the only planet that comes close to replicating the conditions for the chillies necessary is occupied by yoghurt monsters who can't enjoy it. It is also a peculiar fact that of all the restaurant tables in existence, the loudest one ever was found in Cardiff, Earth, in the year 2015, May 10th at 3.30pm. The most annoyed table was ten feet away and occupied by the Doctor and Clara.

"You humans, I've had thirteen vocal chords over 2000 years but I bet you need twice that just over your measly 200 year lifespans" growled the Doctor, his new Scottish accent sludging across the table.

"It's more like 100 years, Doctor" replied Clara in her usually exasperated tone.

"Oh, well as far as a Time Lord is concerning I was dead close then,"

"You've got a point though, I'll be wanting a fresh pair as soon as I've finished with those people. What's that man doing now?"

"He's scratching. How can anyone scratch that much? He's like a hamster trying to find food beneath a sheet of plate metal."

But then shouts came from around the restaurant as the man collapsed on the floor, fingers clawing at a growing red welt on his face. He seemed to get up for a brief second but it was only to grab his fork to scratch harder. His blond hair was getting twisted and torn apart in the prongs but he kept desperately scraping as the welt kept growing. Clara jumped up.

"Somebody get the waiter! Where is he?" she shouted.

The Doctor threw his chair back and crouched down beside the frenzied man. "Hello, I'm the Doctor and I'm better than any waiter. Especially when it comes to serving aliens," He waved his sonic screwdriver over the welt, which had now completely encapsulated the man's face and stll growing as the man started flexing even harder, putting his whole weight into the scratching motion.

"Aliens, Doctor?" said clara, as the people in the restaurant started to edge towards them.

"Yes aliens, don't you see it? If I can just… no time! Get back, all of you!"

The welt started expanding off the man's face. It got bigger and bigger until it was the size of his head. But the man was unable to stop himself scratching with the fork, finally having a look of relief on his face as the thing kept growing to the size of his whole upper body. But then it started to take the shape of his upper body as he started full body spasming to force his whole weight down on the fork. The thing kept growing and forming as the man kept scratching and beaming.

But the thing then had legs. It jumped away from the man as he went limp, mouth aghast in the moment of ultimate ecstasy but with cold, unblinking eyes.

The Doctor edged towards the red scabby thing as it crouched and stared around the restaurant.

"Oh! Look at you! You're… actually you're hideous."

It let out a hoarse rasp into the air at the stunned room. It was then that everyone in the restaurant collapsed on the floor in their own fits of scratching. The Doctor whirled around to see Clara clawing at her face on the ground.

"Clara! No! You must fight it!", he grabbed hold of her arms and pulled as hard as he could to wrsetly them off of her.

"But Doctor! It's so satisfying! I've got to! I can't leave it alone!" she slammed herself against the ground and she slipped a hand free, which immediately started darting all over her face.

"Don't do it! Don't scratch!" she started to tear up.

"I'm trying, but it's so good! I need to scratch it! I know it mustn't but it's… just… so good!"

"But think, you're making that thing happy too!" he pointed to the scab monster, which was laughing to the ceiling as it awaited its brothers.

"I… just" with one final bounce she got her other hand free.

"Don't scratch! If you scratch, you die! Don't scratch it! Just get your hands off your face!"

Clara screamed for the brief moment that she ripped her hands off her incredibly itchy face, but it was all the Doctor needed as he thrust his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small, humming tube. He started smearing it all over her face, the humming turning into a full blown buzz which was emanating from the glowing green substance. She started weeping in ecstasy.

"Oh my god, it's stopped. What was that stuff?"

"Sonic cream. Now get up and…" He felt a giant weight on his as he fell to the ground as the monster jumped on his back and started clawing at him, The Doctor desperately trying to shake him off as a long fingernail nearly pierced his cheek.

"Quick, the sonic cream, use it on him!" shouted the Doctor, as he tried to avoid the claw which was swooping at his eye. Clara squirted the buzzing liquid onto the creature and it fell off, limp. She started to run round the restaurant to administer it to the other customers, many of whom hadn't even noticed and were rubbing their faces desperately on the rough carpet.

"Doctor, what happened to the curries? What's going on?" asked Clara.

The Doctor poked the creature with his boot. "These creature live through food poisoning. You get a rash and these parasites are just an extension of that."

"But I've never had that before! Nobody has!"

"These are very nasty curries"

"But if they're that bad why weren't you infected"

"This body isn't just vicious on the outside, you know. I've got attack eyebrows lining my organs. Come on, let's get out of this place."


End file.
